You’re reaching that point in your long distance relationship when you’re thinking you’re ready to take the next step? But, moving for love is not a tiny leap in anyone’s life. Whether the very thought of being close to your loved one is making you feel excited, or you are overwhelmed with worry about leaving your previous life, but still considering it, there are questions that you need to ask yourself.
Long distance relationships are not easy. Not being able to be face to face with your loved one whenever you feel like it, and having to travel between cities, states, or even abroad just to be with them for a short period is hard. But, for all of those couples who make it work, relocating to start a new life together is probably in the near future plans. Relocating can mean changing your lifestyle completely, and it’s not to be taken lightly. So, here are the questions you have to honestly answer to yourself, before making one of the biggest life decisions.
Most of the people involved in an LDR enter it with the hopes that they won’t stay apart forever. Leaving everything behind and relocating to wherever your loved one is, shows a true commitment. Nothing says how much you care for someone, like giving up on your comfort zone to be with them. All in all, love can be put among the top reasons to move.
There is no magical formula or due date that tells you that when it’s the right moment to take everything to the next step and move in with each other. The decision should come on its own, naturally, from both parties involved. If the moment is right, the question should you move for a relationship won’t pop in your mind at all. You’ll know for sure that the question on how long should you be in a relationship before moving in isn’t significant.
Think about it and answer sincerely – do you know your significant other well enough to think there won’t be any deal breakers for either of you? It means that no amount of future fights would be enough for you to call it quits. If you think there still might be some issues that can cause a breakup, slow down and reconsider your relocation.
If the things between you and your loved one aren’t in that good of a shape, and you think you’re going to fix everything by relocating and be closer to them, think again. The only problems in LDR that should be existent are the constant missing of each other and trying to figure out the ways to communicate. Leaving your current lifestyle, changing jobs, and separating yourself from your home, your family, and everyone you know, won’t put a bandaid on a romance that already has issues.
Relocating to be with your SO usually means that one of you is making a more significant change in every aspect. Which one of you it will be, depends on many factors. Perhaps your partner has a more promising career, or you have a more close connection with your family. If you both have already agreed that it’s you who’s changing their life completely, honestly ask yourself if your partner would do the same. It’s not a bad idea to have a sincere talk where you suggest that both of you leave everything behind in order to make everything work. Keep in mind that this isn’t always possible and that your loved one may have something important keeping them there.
Is your move based on mutual wishes? Be honest with yourself and think about whether your significant other has really encouraged you to move. If it’s only one side that has such desires, hold your wishes, stay where you are, and see if you can make that relationship work, without moving across the country for love.
When moving for love, a long distance relationship will change in many aspects. You will be living close to your significant other, but did you actually discuss living together? If you think relocating is a huge step in itself, and want to consider sharing a home with your partner a bit later, know that both options are okay. But, be sure you and your loved one are on the same page. Do you have expectations that the relocation will result in an engagement, and your loved one is not ready to take that step? Don’t rush things, as it will only end up in resentment. Be sure you’re both in agreement on a general timeline concerning big steps.
We agree, talking about finances with your significant other is one of the most unromantic things you can do, but it’s something that is important for both. Do you have enough to cover all your expenses with a long distance moving company? Cross country moving is not cheap, and if you can not afford it yourself, will your partner be able to cover the costs? And if you’ll be without a job for several months, will your SO provide for bills, rent, and groceries? An honest money talk is essential for good mutual understanding.
If you’re moving for a relationship and relocating for a job at the same time, good for you! It means you’ve thought in advance about living in a new city, and you’ve had some luck in the job market. But, if you haven’t already, talk to your SO about them backing you up, while you search. Perhaps there are some upcoming professional events where you can get acquainted with people from your field, and connect. That way, you’ll have less to worry about.
After a while, you’re going to be spending some time alone, and probably will want to be alone. Discuss with each other the living arrangements, and agree on housework and everything else that probably sounds a bit picky, but is important to know. Also, being together means you’ll see each other without any facades. Be sure you are prepared for that. In the video below, check out some real and sweet stories about starting life under one roof.
The ideal situation is that you’ve already considered packing your stuff and relocating to someplace else than your hometown. If you have never thought about this before, and the only reason to even consider it is pleasing your loved one, think about the city you’re relocating to. Will you like it or hate it? All your friends and family will be left behind, so do a little research and find out are there any possibilities for you to fill your time when you’re not with your partner. Are there any communities you could join? A book club, a cooking course? If you are transporting your books and your favorite artwork with you, find out how to pack art for relocating, and consider investing in moving insurance, so you can protect those valuable belongings. Some art classes may be a good place to find people with similar interests. And perhaps you have some college acquaintances living there, so think about getting in touch with them.
It’s perhaps hard to think about downtimes when everything up till now between you has gone smoothly, but ask the logical question of what will happen if you do break up. You’ll end up by yourself in a city you’ve never lived in before. Be sure you have a career plan in your mind, or maybe you’ve grown to like that city enough to make an effort to find your place there. Find new friends, connect with people. Perhaps you’ll form a true friendship with one of your partner’s friends. If this vision is realistic, make it possible to relocate and settle there, and be sure it won’t be a mistake.
Think thoughtfully about what you’re giving up, before asking yourself “should I move to a new city for my boyfriend.” Also, before making a final decision to move, ask yourself this – do you yourself have a promising career, your connections with your family are too tight, or your school’s keeping you where you are? If both of you have the same vision about your future together, all of this won’t be such a hard thing to overcome, and it will make moving to another state for a relationship worthwhile. If you feel more excited about the move than feeling like you are sacrificing a lot, the decision is the right one.
We form our friendships our whole lives, and some of those friends stick around for years. Through all our ups and downs. You’ve shared with them your thoughts about using long-distance moving services and taking the words “long distance” out of your relationship. Don’t give yourself relocation stress, if your best friends don’t agree with your decision. Listen to what they have to say, consider it, but in the end, follow that gut feeling, and take the path you’ve chosen. You are going to miss them, that’s true, but you can always arrange for them to come to visit you, or the other way round.
Are you still having second thoughts? Here’s a summary of showing signs that tell you that you are not ready:
No one likes to think about “what if” when it comes to romance, but this is one of those situations where it is crucial to do so.
Quotes about caring for someone can be hopelessly romantic, bubbly, but also quite unrealistic. “Distance unites missing beats of two hearts in love” sounds beautiful, but does it have a foundation in reality? Sure, it’s nice to dream about walking by the beach in the sunset while having breakfast in bed every day, but living under one roof is so much more than that. If you’re more of a statistics kind of a person, the InterNations offers an insight into numbers concerning LDR. Either way, we suggest thinking it through, without those rose-colored glasses on. If you’re ready for that reality check, call on those long distance movers, ask for their packing services, and set the next chapter of your life in motion.
After answering all these important questions honestly, if you now know the decision is the right one, start preparing and planning to relocate. You should first create a relocating to another state checklist, so you don’t forget anything. And voila! you’ll be in the arms of your loved one in no time, unpacking your belongings that the cross country movers have transported and making a life together. Perhaps those hopelessly romantic dreams and ideas can be a part of your daily routine together. Starting your life with your SO under one roof is not a small change in anyone’s life, but maybe the time has really come for you and your loved one to take that big step.